Well, that was a day and a half. Last week I had no expectations really. I just thought "cleanse" means "stay at home near the potty" and not much else. That was still the case, though not as bad. Even the cleansing stuff didn't taste as weird this time and I'm down to drinking it almost straight, very cold, and then drinking water (20 oz at a time!) after I down it. And I wonder why I need a potty? The little chocolate wafer things (known as "Scooby Snacks") worked their magic and wasn't voraciously hungry all day, but at the end around 11PM I caved and ate small Jello Pudding cup to settle the monster in my tummy. All in all, not too bad.
What was most interesting was the ability to hyperfocus on work. I couldn't maintain it for very long, but when I was on, I was ON and that was a good thing. I got through 6/9 classes to check in on. Not too shabby. And I prepped for tonight as well. It wasn't really too bad and I think I might have even been able to go out visiting during the day, but I wouldn't want to take a walk in the woods.
Emotionally it's been weird too. I don't know if everything is connected directly, but things are changing. People from the past contacting me, people from the past cutting me out of their lives. This is really more or less normal this time of year anyhow, but I'm taking it differently. My brain plays the tapes that say, "Be upset now." Then another voice chimes in, "Why bother? It won't make things better or even different. Except that you'll be upset. You don't need that stress. Let it go." And I do let it go, minus the observation of how I'm feeling it but not reacting. I feel somehow more in control and less in control at the same time.
Work is the same. I do my job. I do it well, but it's my job. I love teaching, it's the administrative side I dislike. Entering grades that really don't amount to much in the 'real world' or tracking things for the sake of having a metric to track. Ugh. Comes along with the territory though. So I do it. Yesterday I did lots of it.
Today I woke up feeling clean. I didn't expect it. I thought I would be dragging, but a run through the shower and I was set to go. Taught my first class without any trouble. Went through the material easily. Stopped for food on the way in to Philly. Food just tastes so good the day after a cleanse. Had noodle bowl from Pei Wei and I feel like I'm flying now.
I'm not sure where this post was heading, but all in all, the second cleanse was easier. Emotionally I feel more level. Physically I know I'm stronger. I think we may be on to a solution for the problem of health issues.
Keep posted....more to come soon.
(In the next post I hope to go into more background of just how I ended up where I am today.)
I've said it before, and I'll say it an hundred times more; timing is everything. My cleanse is overdue. It's not the physical part that scares me, it's the emotional part. You just gave me the strength I needed to do it :)
ReplyDeleteTeam Awesome is all about supporting each other. I see that as our main focus. We each walk our paths alone, but they parallel each other. When one of us is feeling lost or afraid, there are team members there to reach out a hand and help.
ReplyDeleteThe emotional part of finding balance and health is far more subtle and harder to explain to someone who is not doing this. Words fail to capture the utter joy and terror that comes from letting go of toxins of any kind. Change is hard, but with each other change is not as lonely.
I'm glad I've helped you, Gods know, you have helped me.